New Favorite Apron!!

My newest, favorite apron!!

My Favorite Kitchen Utensil: (picture of corkscrew)

Busy Bitches Cookbook aka Lazy Bitches Cookbook: A Banana Heart Attack

This is for neither the busy, nor the lazy. But, whatevs. It would just be filed under "Shit That Doesn't Belong In This Recipe Book"...if it were a book.
Not sure if it's a pie or a pudding, but it's definitely a heart attack waiting to happen. It's so worth it. I whipped this up when I wanted banana pudding, but couldn't find my vanilla flavoring or condensed milk. I just had to wing it. Oh. My. Gawd. Turned out phenom.

Ingredients:

• 1 5oz package of vanilla pudding
• 1 8oz package of cream cheese (softened)
• 1 cup of milk
• 1 cup of vanilla ice cream (slightly softened)
• 1/2 cup of heavy cream (see what I mean about the heart attack, now?)
• 2 Bananas
• Nilla Wafers
• Nilla wafer pie crust (optional, can just use wafers to make it more pudding-like)
• Thawed Cool-whip

Combine first ingredients, beat until well blended

Line bottom of pie crust with banana slices OR line bottom of dish with crushed or whole Nilla wafers, then top wafers with banana slices.

Pour half of the "stuff" you just mixed up on top.

Spread it out, duh.

Top with more Nilla wafers and banana slices

Pour remainder of the pudding on top and spread out. You can top with Nilla wafers and banana slices again if you'd like. I didn't have any room!

Cover with Cool-Whip

Top with crushed Nilla wafers (I like those bitches)

It's going to be really thick if you use a pie crust, so you will have to rig up the lid with aluminum foil..

Set the lid on top, wrap bottom and sides with aluminum foil to cover the sides of the lid and pie. Refrigerate until ready to eat.. or grab a frickin spoon and dig on in.

EFF'ing De-licious.

Try it and let me know how you like it.. if you survive the heart attack.

School Lunch...

is F'ing nas-tay. Unhealthy school lunch options is an issue that has gained more media attention in recent years. So much that I was shocked to see my daughter's school lunch menu. I thought the media attention would have encouraged schools to shape up. I was so wrong.

Here's the thing, my kids would LOVE to have pizza every single day for lunch..delicious, greasy pizza. If I actually fed my kids pizza every single day and admitted to it, I imagine I'd get more than a few "I'm judging you" looks. When the school feeds our kids pizza, or gives them the option of eating it everyday, too many parents think nothing of it. If the kids don't want pizza, they can have chicken nuggets, a corndog, or another fried, greasy food..with fries.

Don't get me wrong, I do not feed my kids the healthiest shit everyday. About 9 times out of 10, it comes out of a can or box. But my kids do get, at least, one healthy meal a day. Fortunately, my kids actually get more than one meal a day. There has also been more media focus on the fact that school lunch is the only meal that too many kids get all day. Shouldn't we make that one meal a little less artery-clogging? It would also help me out in that, my kids one healthy meal a day--wouldn't have to be cooked by yours truly. I could feel less guilty when I crack open that can of raviolis!

Also, I hate to say this, but I'm sitting in the Parent Pick-up line (as usual) and I can count at least 15 kids on the playground right now that do not appear to need anymore greasy foods. I see 8-9 year olds that look like they are on their way to a heart attack. I hope what I see on the playground is not a preview of what our future generations will be like. We better shape up FAST, or it will be!

Speaking of heart attacks and unhealthy food, I still believe in the right to a deliciously unhealthy desert once in a (frequent) while. Later tonight, I will be posting my very own recipe (meaning-I made it up, unless someone else had the same idea and I don't know about it) for the desert I have named...
Banana Pudding/Pie Heart Attack!
You can be looking forward to that!

Undomesticated Housewife

P.S.
I do pack my daughter's lunch 4 out of the 5 school days each week. She is awesome and loves salad, blueberries, carrot sticks, or grape tomatoes for lunch. I'm not so lucky with the Samurai. I'd probably have to fry his salad if I wanted him to eat one. Packing his lunch will be fun next year.

Another random thought: Sometimes, a little sexism is okay with me!

This is regarding me, and me alone. Whatever you want to do with your life, I support your right to do it regardless of whether it's a stereotypical man-thing, or stereotypical woman-thing.

Just now, while on my way to pick up my daughter from school, I drove past some road construction workers. I thought, "What a miserable job! It is too damned hot for all that!" Then, there were the guys working on the power lines. Again, miserable job. I understand that, while men hold the majority of these jobs, women do these jobs as well! What I don't understand is..why? Why would ANYONE want to work in a profession that requires subjecting oneself to extreme weather?? I know people don't always us choose it, it's necessary. I'm referring specifically to those that are wanting to ensure that they have the right to burst into flames while working on a power line. Right now, I'm sitting in the pick-up line, air conditioner on, trying to type this before I melt. People want to work hard, doing manual labor in this stuff?

You know what other stereotypical man things I don't like doing? Taking out the trash. Killing bugs (I've blogged about these twice now, I really hate them!). I even try to push the "but driving is the MAN's job" on to my husband sometimes. That never works..instead, the non-driver is the one that makes it to the liquor cabinet first. This is why women should always go first in things, too..like ordering at restaurants first. "I'll have a margarita on the rocks..double. Oh, by the way, husband, you are driving home tonight, right?"

Anyway, back on track..plumbing--another male dominated field. I'd like to meet the woman that complains about losing out on that job to a man. I'd shake her and ask, "Woman! What is wrong with you?! Have you ever smelled SHIT?!" I can use a plunger when my children have had too much milk or tossed a toy in the toilet, but that's MY toilet. Others' toilets? Um, gross.





I dream of a day where washing dishes is "a MAN's job!"

Another thing..I like being prettied up and dressing like a typical female. I'm not trying to be a man. Facial hair is going to be enough of a bitch when I get older, I'm sure--considering my black hair and all.

I guess what I'm saying is..I don't fight for the right to stab my eyes out of my head or slam my fingers in the car door repeatedly. I don't get how it even crosses one's mind to fight for certain rights. The day I start fighting for my right to use a urinal..is the day you can punch me in the face and call me a douchebag. Sometimes, a little sexism is okay with me!

I don't kiss his ass..

I'm writing this really late. Forgive typos, run-ons, or shit that just doesn't make sense. I'll clean it up tomorrow!

Today, I have decided to address some things regarding military wives. I don't say too much about being a military wife..because I am my own person. I know, I know--my name refers to me being a housewife, so why not military wife? Because, overall, I mostly write about being a housewife. And that brings me to the first thing Id like to address!

**These may be true for many, but I doubt it's true for most. I'm speaking for those of us that are quietly loving military men.**

• Military wives sit at home on their asses all day.

Well, I do..sometimes. Most times these days, I am up and doing something from 6am until 11pm. Yeah, so..um.. you can F off if you think I sit on my ass all day, everyday. I could get a job if I wanted to, but being home with my children as long as possible is more important to me. Besides, I intend on starting school again in January. Plenty of non-mil wives stay at home with their children too. It isn't exclusive to a specific group of women. Also, many women stay home because they move a lot. It is hard to move up very high on the totem pole when you move every few years.

• We are all fat, lazy slobs.

Speak for yourself. I am within my healthy weight range, I have big and fake boobs, and I only go to Wal-Mart in sweat pants every other time I go. Yeah, suck on that. I haven't even seen many fat wives around here. I'm sure there are plenty, but--at this base at least--there aren't anymore than there are in other groups.

• We also dress up to go to the commissary and judge those who don't. We are representing our husbands out there!!

Wait.. what?!? I thought we were fat, lazy slobs? Now, I admit that I have seen plenty of these types out and about. They are typically rank wearers & I'll get to those later..

• We are popping out kids left and right.

I don't know about the majority of the military couples, but we have 2 kids. I thought that was pretty much the norm? We did consider the benefits of Tricare when it came to our decision about more children. Tricare doesn't just cover birth, it also covers VASECTOMIES..and female birth control. I am done, done. We have insurance.. I do NOT have a death wish. Even if another pregnancy wouldn't kill me, I'd still be done. The cost of birth is not the only factor in the decision to have a child. All of the couples I know have a normal amount of children.

• I want a trophy for being a military wife. After all, it is the toughest job EV-AR.

I mean, if you really want to give me one..but, I'd prefer a crown. You could actually just give me the cash. Really though, no, we do not all expect people to kiss our asses for being military wives. It is not the toughest job in the world. It isn't a job. Sure, I support my husband in his work. Isn't that what spouses do? Support each other? Do you get sad when your spouse is gone? I do! It isn't because he is military, it is because he is my husband. He is also put in dangerous situations. However, I am not in a dangerous situation, not that kind anyway. He is the one who has it HARD. I have it.. sad. Also, not all of us get irritable when people complain about missing their spouses because they are working a little late. It isn't a competition. I spent the majority of the first 2 years of my marriage away from my husband, and I still get sad when he comes home from work too late. Other people's problems do not become petty to me.

• Military wives kiss their husbands' asses, because they have the second hardest job in the whole wide world!!

My husband is awesome. He goes to work everyday and bitches about it only at a reasonable level. He provides for his family because he loves us. Still, he has responsibilities at home, too. Being a member of the USAF doesn't mean you are excluded from lifting a finger at home. I don't kiss his ass... I'm not that freaky. Hubby washes his own uniform, he cooks sometimes, he even cleans up after himself on rare occasions. Bug needs killed? Hubby kills it. Trash day? Hubby takes it out. Nine times out of 10, I'm the one needing a massage. And I get that massage.

• Our husbands' ranks are how we define ourselves and others.

What?! No! I do not wear my husband's rank. I didn't earn it and, to the bitches who think you are special because your husband is a what-the-f-ever he is, you didn't do anything to earn that rank either. Blowing him doesn't count.

• We all screw our husbands' best friends during long deployments. All the good wives do. The friends are just being GOOD friends & helping us out, like our husbands asked.

Nah, not all of us. But, uh, thanks for that, Hollywood...and whores!

Some afterthoughts:

No, it isn't hard to be married to a military man. It's hard to be married to me. Really though, it's marriage. It all takes work.

Sure, the lack of..ahem.."intimacy" during deployments, TDYs, and whatnot is a bummer, but it doesn't ruin a marriage. I didn't need to "get down to bidness" to fall in love & don't need to in order to stay in love. The women who cheat on their deployed husbands and husbands who cheat on their deployed wives (or spouses that cheat while they are the ones deployed) are shitty people. They are the same people who would be sluttin' it up outside the marriage with the pool boy or "working late" if they had/had spouses with civilian jobs. Deployments do not drive people to cheat. Whorie'ness does.


I'm not downplaying the role of the military spouse. We go through a lot of heartache and pain..and we sacrifice a lot. However, I guarantee that 99% of us make those sacrifices for love, not a trophy. Not all of us feel some sense of entitlement for dealing with long separations.

I do appreciate the gratitude others express, but no one has to thank me for loving my husband.

Why bother?!

I cleaned the living room spotless. I cleaned the kitchen..spotless. Now, I just stand around with that "the f*#k?!?!" look on my face. I actually cleaned the kitchen yesterday. Like, yesterday evening. Sometimes, I think I must be stupid. I can't think of anything else I would fix over and over and over again, knowing it will be destroyed moments later.

My children have this strange quirk..they have to destroy everything in sight. A clean house just means they get to start all over again. My hubby has a bad habit of setting shit down wherever he is standing. I need freaking order!! Organization! I need things to have a place. Why do I even bother? I'd, obviously, be a much better housewife if I didn't have to clean up after everyone.

(found on Views from the Couch)

You know, I love Angry Birds. I mean, who doesn't? Someone should really make a game for me: Angry Housewives. You would throw things like vacuums and brooms at little cartoon men and children. Each time you peg one, your house gets cleaner. I'd play the shit out of that. I'd play the game rather than actually cleaning the house. Win-win for me! I hope it goes without saying that I'd never throw brooms or vacuums..well, I'd never actually throw vacuums at my children or husband. I'd never throw birds at pigs either.

Okay, enough random thoughts. I think my anger has subsided enough that the stupid has set back in & I'm considering cleaning again.

I can't blog about it.

My Sugar Boog started school yesterday. If I try to blog about it, it wont be humorous and will only make me bawl my eyes out. I can, however, tell you the funniest part of the day.

While walking down the hall, taking Sugar to her room, I made her hold my hand and The Samurai hold her hand. I was already late because I decided to wash her carseat cover and, well, forgot to put it back on. So, I'm practically dragging the kids along in a panicky, upset frenzy. A group of 1st or 2nd graders walk by and start laughing. I think nothing of it. They are children, they laugh and cut up. Then, coming from behind me, I hear it. The Samurai yells, "Aw!!! My pants fell down!" Not quite processing what he said, I keep walking and just glance behind me at the caboose of the train I have going on.. I find my son walking like a penguin, with his shorts around his ankles. I had forgotten to make use of his adjustable waist band. /facepalm

I will also say that Sugar Boog had a wonderful day. She loved it. Dropping her off sucked, but it was harder on me than her.

Though lacking the fine details, I suppose I did blog about her first day... great for her, sucked for me, but had a good laugh in all of it.