My Apron is Broken!

I've seen the old television shows.. the ones where the mom/wife has the house pristine, kids are well behaved, all meals are homemade, and dinner is on the table at 5 PM sharp. All of the women from that time seem to have one other thing in common, as well: Aprons (and probably a happy pill of some sort, but that hasn't been confirmed).

I bought my first apron about 2-3 years ago. I had decided to quit popping kids out back to back (or ever again) and start trying to do more around the house. I was going to load the dishwasher, wash some laundry..maybe even dry it, and pick some shit up. I was even going to figure out how to work that boxy thing that gets all hot and cooks the stuff that can't be microwaved. Obviously, from watching those old shows, I needed to buy an apron. She was beautiful. I couldn't wait to turn into the domesticated type that we, women married to military men, are supposed to be. I woke up bright and early.. okay, not BRIGHT, but it was early. Too. Damned. Early. I tied on my apron, closed my eyes, clicked my heels, and then, it happened: nothing. NOTHING!!! My apron was broken! There was no breakfast on the table, no clean house.. there was still shit everywhere! It still looked like Toys R Us exploded in my living room! I know, expecting it to just happen was a leetle unrealistic, but I didn't even get a surge of energy to do it myself or anything!! /sigh. I was disappointed, to say the least.
Lesson learned: Aprons aren't magic.

After a lot of crying and angrily screaming, I gathered myself together to see how I could still be somewhat productive. I'd go from each room I was cleaning and into the laundry room about 15 times each, just to get another (unopened) cleaner or a clean cloth. After about 253 hours of non-stop cleaning, I started to care a bit less about leaving cleaners within the reach of my small children...my legs were frickin tired! Trying to figure out how I could remedy the issue, I started shoving cloths in my pockets and carried the cleaners around with me. Finally, it hit me. That stupid, broken apron has LARGE POCKETS! It does work! I could shove all that stuff in them and have very little left to carry.
Lesson learned: Aprons are functional.