Busy Bitches' Cookbook (AKA Lazy Bitches' Cookbook)

[It took me forever to complete this post. I'm only sorry that I was actually busy enough to not be able to finish it in a timely manner ;-).]
I think I might make this a series--Busy Bitches Cookbook. You could also call it Lazy Bitches Cookbook, but I have a reputation to uphold! <<hahaHAAA, kidding. The recipes in this (possible) series are shit I cook when I don't have the time to cook, when I just plain don't feel like standing in a hot damned kitchen all day, or when I am just having yet another lazy day! Today's recipe is going to be Chicken'n'Dumplings.
Be aware that I do not measure. That would totally take away from the simplicity. It's unnecessary. Oh, and it sounds like more work than it is, actually. I make this for lunch occasionally, and the Lord and my Fry Daddy know I do not like to spend time cooking lunch.

Ingredients

Bisquick

 Canned Biscuits and/or Croissants (biscuits turn out better)

Equivalent to Country Crock (or real butter, if you give a shit--I don't)

Chicken Broth 

Salt

Pepper

and

 Frozen Chicken Tenderloins (preferred, but I was out)

or

Frozen Boneless, skinless Chicken Breasts

Add some Garlic Powder to the broth, if you feel like getting crazy with it (not pictured, but I think you can figure it out).

 Put chicken in the pan with some oil as pictured above. Oh yeah, you need olive or vegetable oil.. Crisco even, I don't  care. Turn on medium. Cover with lid. Cook until it is done, flipping once. Let it cook while you work on the dumplings.

Put some chicken broth in a pot.

Add a little salt and pepper to the broth.

Toss in some butter.

Boil that shit. Sit down, have some wine, whatevs. Shit might take a while.

"A watched pot never boils."

I don't know who came up with that, but I have a few things to say about it. One, he/she obviously didn't stand and stare long enough. Dumbass. Two, I would like to thank that person for that excuse to sit my ass down for a minute.

Get the Bisquick or flour..

Put it in a bowl.

Coat your canned biscuits or croissants in the Bisquick.

Pinch pieces off and put them in the boiling broth. If the pieces are too big, no problem. Well, if you don't own any forks or knives and your dumplings somehow come out really hard, then it might be a problem. When all pieces/dumplings are dropped in, immediately turn down to low heat and simmer/

Let them simmer for about 10 minutes.

Add chicken to the pot.

Cover with lid and let simmer for another 10 minutes, and you are done-zo.

Next, I'll be covering the Busy Bitches' recipe for homemade chicken fingers OR the Lazy Bitches' guide to good pizza. We'll see what kind of week it is, first!

Coming up!

As soon as I can get organized and shiz, I will possibly start a new series of posts (randomly mixed in with regular posts). I say possibly because I'm ADhD as hell and rarely follow through with anything. I'm lucky I still remember to post on this every now and then. Anyway, you might be able to look forward to Busy Bitches Cookbook (AKA Lazy Bitches Cookbook), but dont hold your breath. I only have one post slightly prepared and no idea what to add to it outside of one or 2 non-original recipes. Everything else is frozen. I really should have thought this through more. F it, it will be a short series.

Ahhhh!!! Why is she a vampire?!?!!1!1!!eleventy!

I have a 4 year old daughter, my little Sugar-booger, and a 3 year old son, my little Samarai (he's a Power Rangers fan, big time). They are visiting their grandparents while hubby and I turn this:



into this:






They stayed with my parents for a bit, then went to my in-laws' for a bit. After the swap today, my mom called to tell me about one of their most embarrassing moments ever, courtesy of my daughter. I'm going to try to remember this the best I can, I was laughing hysterically while listening...

My parents took the kiddos to McDonald's to play while they waited on my husband's parents. My little missy Sugar-Boog found another little girl to play with her. They stood, talking, as my mom watched. As she's watching, the girls start messing with their mouths. The other little girl opens her mouth to reveal the fact that she is missing her four front teeth (yeah, I don't know how she lost all four either /shrug). My child, bless her heart, takes off running and screaming, "She's a vampire!!! ahh! Why is she a vampire??!!". Over. And. Over.
Shit.

My parents try to calm her down, but she sat at the table with her head down crying, demanding to know why the girl was a vampire. The Samarai is yelling, "I'll protect you! I'm gonna throw somethin' at that vampire if she comes over here again!" Awesome. The little girl comes over to see what's wrong, trying to talk and play, only inducing more wailing. My parents are all, "Nooo! Look, she's a sweet girl. She's so sweet and pretty, see?" She didn't see. Now, if I could find the parents and little girl, I'd apologize profusely for that one time when Sugar-Boog woke up and snuck in the living room while we were watching True Blood. I feel terrible for the little girl, but I feel bad for my baby also. Can you imagine being 4 years old and thinking you are in the same play area as a vampire-child? shudder

Anyway, it gets better..well, not really, just funnier. My mom and dad try to explain that the little girl lost her teeth. They tell her that everyone loses teeth and, one day, Sugar will lose hers too. Sounds like a reasonable explanation, right? What else could they say? That's not what my child heard. Anyone want to guess what she heard? Anyone? Bueller?

"One day, you are going to be a vampire too!"

/facepalm
Her reaction to that led to them feeling the need to LEAVE, immediately.

I almost wish I could have been there for that!

10 Reasons I Love My Interwebz Friends

I was inspired to write this about 2 weeks ago, but wanted to wait until I was totally sure that no one was watching me from outside one of my windows. I think the coast is clear, so here goes..oh, and a little help from someecards.

10 Reasons I Love My Interwebz Friends

1.) Interwebz friends aren't clingy. They can't be! You just use the "go offline" option on whatever messenger, message board, or whatever they are using to contact you.

2.) They don't force get togethers on you by making it awkward to say no. They usually live too far away.

3.) They don't declare that you are their BFF the day you meet them & immediately start calling and texting non-stop.

4.) When you find out interwebz friends are crazy, you don't have to figure out how to cut them out of your life without worrying about running into them when out. X marks the spot, click it.

5.) They don't con you into buying them things. You can pretend you didn't see that email.

6.) They don't ask you to buy them things using your CREDIT CARD.

7.) They don't ask you for your medications. That would be insane. Refer back to number 4.

8.) Interwebz friends don't call YOU after getting caught up in a sticky situation, asking for help and requesting you keep your mouth shut about it, even to your own husband. (Previously, too much info was posted)

9.) They don't just drop by your house if you don't answer your phone.

10.) If an interwebz friend DOES, in fact, do any of these things...again, you can use that little X or just completely turn off your monitor. The end!

Favorite bluntcards.com

After reading a friend's latest post at Views From The Couch (she is hilarious, by the way), I remembered the awesome site, Blunt Cards. So, tonight, I'm just going to post a few of my favorite.

Whatever you do, look good doing it.

After realizing that I wasn't doing my part, or even a portion of my part around the house, I still tend to have some lazy days. He isn't my boss and there is nothing he can do if I just sit on my ass all day, but it does ease the tension between me and my husband. We, obviously, tend to be a lot happier when we are balanced, rather than one more stressed than the other. Again, I do still have quite a few lazy days and, well, I still want to avoid the tension. Luckily, I managed to learn a few tricks for avoiding any smart-assy what the hell did you do all day? looks. God, I hope hubby never reads this!

One, make sure you're doing SOMETHING when the spouse comes in. The thought that I've done nothing all day..it can't even cross hubby's mind when the first thing he sees is me doing some sort of housework. He might walk in to find me folding something up, wiping something off, or unloading the dishwasher. I occasionally even pick up that piece of trash (or three) that I've been staring at all day, trying to will it into the garbage can...because I didn't feel like bending over to pick it up.

Two, look worn out. This isn't hard, even sitting wears me out. I'm serious.

Finally, the most important of all: Whatever you do, look good doing it. I don't want to look like I only rolled off the couch when necessary. I throw on some clothes, maybe even a dress & heels, and do something with my hair. If I feel like it, I even put on a little make up. Tie on a hawt apron, load the dishwasher, and DONE! I make sure the hubs comes in to find me slightly bent over loading the dishwasher, putting my famous homemade apple pie into the oven (if you make it at home, it's homemade..just sayin'), or anything else that provides a decent viewing angle. It may seem extremely superficial, but I'm okay with that. Whatever works!

(Pictures later, maybe)

Panic mode: ON!

My parents are coming. Well, they might be. It will late tonight, but I'll never get the house totally clean in time. "Totally clean" excludes my room & bathroom. They are currently lost causes. I suck at life.

More later, clean now!

Officially PATHETIC

Yesterday, I started climbing Mt. Laundry. I did blankets, sheets, and towels. While I'm on the subject, I'd like to announce that I, in all of my terrible housewife glory, can fold a fitted frickin' sheet like some kind of house keeping goddess. Anyway, yeah, big day full of laundry. I also scheduled a playdate (for the kids and adults). Usually, this requires the hubby. I get too nervous to talk to new people! That makes finding friends in a new state..pretty tough. Luckily, I have a lot in common with a wife of one of hubby's coworkers & have no nervousness issues with her. Before my afternoon was over, I went on a hunt for the back to one of our 538 remote controls. I found it. This made me happy. This made my husband even happier. No shit, he came home, noticed what I had done, and said he was PROUD OF ME! He was proud of me for laundering some easy to fold shit, scheduling our get together/playdate by myself, and finding the back to a remote. I am officially PATHETIC.

Brokeback Housewife

In May 2009, my husband deployed..so, I moved in with my parents. Say what you want about that, but I took myself and my kids to a place where we would have love and support. I'm not a hardass, trying to prove a point by stressing myself out physically and emotionally. That's just not me. Anyway, I wasn't cleaning my house at that time. Shortly afterward, complications from an earlier car wreck (10 years earlier) crept up on me and left me nearly bedridden. September 2010, I had the rods that were put in right after my wreck removed. For so long, I was incapable and I forgot that cleaning and cooking was necessary once I was capable again.
My house went to shit.

After my stressed out husband got to his breaking point from coming home from work, taking care of the yard,  taking care of the house, and cooking dinner, plus changing a pull-up or two, we had a heart to heart. Okay, it was more like WWIII up in this place! After the smoke cleared, I realized that he was right. Oww... that was painful to type. Still, it's true. I'd had enough time to heal that a load of dishes and running a vacuum wouldn't hurt me. It has taken quite some time, a lot of effort, and has been a real struggle, but I've been working to get back in the swing of things for a few months now. To think, this was hard for me BEFORE the previous-surgery issues came up and then, this last surgery. Oy!

My Apron is Broken!

I've seen the old television shows.. the ones where the mom/wife has the house pristine, kids are well behaved, all meals are homemade, and dinner is on the table at 5 PM sharp. All of the women from that time seem to have one other thing in common, as well: Aprons (and probably a happy pill of some sort, but that hasn't been confirmed).

I bought my first apron about 2-3 years ago. I had decided to quit popping kids out back to back (or ever again) and start trying to do more around the house. I was going to load the dishwasher, wash some laundry..maybe even dry it, and pick some shit up. I was even going to figure out how to work that boxy thing that gets all hot and cooks the stuff that can't be microwaved. Obviously, from watching those old shows, I needed to buy an apron. She was beautiful. I couldn't wait to turn into the domesticated type that we, women married to military men, are supposed to be. I woke up bright and early.. okay, not BRIGHT, but it was early. Too. Damned. Early. I tied on my apron, closed my eyes, clicked my heels, and then, it happened: nothing. NOTHING!!! My apron was broken! There was no breakfast on the table, no clean house.. there was still shit everywhere! It still looked like Toys R Us exploded in my living room! I know, expecting it to just happen was a leetle unrealistic, but I didn't even get a surge of energy to do it myself or anything!! /sigh. I was disappointed, to say the least.
Lesson learned: Aprons aren't magic.

After a lot of crying and angrily screaming, I gathered myself together to see how I could still be somewhat productive. I'd go from each room I was cleaning and into the laundry room about 15 times each, just to get another (unopened) cleaner or a clean cloth. After about 253 hours of non-stop cleaning, I started to care a bit less about leaving cleaners within the reach of my small children...my legs were frickin tired! Trying to figure out how I could remedy the issue, I started shoving cloths in my pockets and carried the cleaners around with me. Finally, it hit me. That stupid, broken apron has LARGE POCKETS! It does work! I could shove all that stuff in them and have very little left to carry.
Lesson learned: Aprons are functional.

At least the kids are alive...

I wasn't cut out to be a housewife. I'm ADHD as hell, cannot organize or schedule to save my life, and the motivation..well, it JUST. ISN'T. THERE. However, when I decided, unconsciously, to have 2 children back to back, I chose to try my damnedest to be a stay at home mom and housewife. My kids will only be little for a short amount of time (though some days, it feels like they have been little tornadoes for.ev.er), so I want to spend what time I can with them. Unfortunately, my large dose of prescribed ADhD medication each day hasn't been enough to help tame my hyper-focusing on mindless bullshit. I'm trying to do my best, but it has been a struggle. At least the kids are alive.. right?